


Look for America

by castles_and_crowns



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1960s, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Gratuitous Hand-Holding, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 05:09:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18004403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castles_and_crowns/pseuds/castles_and_crowns
Summary: Set in 1968, Ben and his girlfriend Rey leave their hometown in the midwest in hopes of making it in New York.





	Look for America

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: While I did ~some~ research (ahem, thank you, Google), there's a possibility some things in this fic are inaccurate. If so, I apologize.
> 
> This fic is inspired by "America" by Simon and Garfunkel. It's my favorite song by them, and I listened to it on repeat while writing this. If you're not familiar with it, please give it a listen!! <3

Eighteen-year old Ben Solo strides down the aisle of the small convenience store located next to the Greyhound bus station in Detroit.  He and his girlfriend, Rey, have a long trip ahead of them—Detroit to Pittsburgh to New York City is no mean feat—and they’re going to need sustenance.  Unfortunately between the two of them, they don't have much—though the guy they caught a ride from, as they hitchhiked from their hometown Saginaw, did generously give them twenty bucks—and they’ve got to save most of that for when they actually get to New York.

 

Ben catches Rey’s eye as she browses through a magazine one aisle over.  He thinks that's Raquel Welch on the cover.  Rey winks at him before stealthily slipping the magazine into her satchel.  It’s not the first time she’s shoplifted something, and Ben doesn’t begrudge her for it.  It’s nothing more than a habit for her, having grown up so poor.  Ben’s sure that if he had grown up like Rey had, he’d certainly be the same way. 

 

After browsing the aisles, he ultimately decides on a handful of Mrs. Wagner pies and a single pack of cigarettes.  The cost comes out to be $1.60.

 

Just as he finishes paying, Rey appears at his side and grabs his hand.

 

“We should get back to the station,” she says, giving his hand a little squeeze.

 

“Yeah,” Ben agrees, taking the small brown paper bag from the counter with his free hand and letting Rey lead him out the store and back to the station.

 

It’s cold out, though that’s no surprise.  It’s February in Detroit after all.  As they walk back to the station, Rey, who only has on her tattered brown coat over her thin floral dress, removes her hand from his and wraps her arm around his middle.  He does the same with his now free hand and then pulls her close.

 

His proximity is keeping her warm, but her proximity is keeping him grounded.

 

Every few minutes, Ben has a minor freak out about what they’re about to do.  They’re leaving the safety of their small Midwestern town in hopes of _making it_ in New York.  Rey dreams of being a folk singer like her idol Joan Baez, while Ben wants to become a great American poet just like his heroes from the Beat Generation.

 

His parents didn’t understand his decision.  They refused to give him any financial support—though he hadn’t expected them to—but ultimately, they had wished him well.  Rey’s foster father, on the other hand, had been a different story. 

 

The man was a monster, both controlling and cruel.  He’d forced Rey to work at his junkyard since he’d taken her in when she was fourteen, and there was no way he planning on losing his best employee so that she could pursue her dream as a _singer._ Thankfully, Rey had turned eighteen on the day of their high school graduation, two days before they planned on leaving, and her foster father had no more say on what she could and couldn’t do.  That didn’t mean he wouldn’t try, though.  So Rey, with her tattered knapsack on her back and her satchel over shoulder, wound up having to sneak out of her bedroom window and sprinting across the front yard to where Ben was waiting in his father’s Ford Falcon.  When she’d made it inside the car and settled in the passenger’s side, Ben had grabbed the sides of her face and kissed her hard.

 

“We did it,” he whispered against her lips between kisses.

 

Rey, who was doubly out of breath from running and from their kissing had replied, “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

 

These are the same words she says now when she looks up at his face and see the contemplative worry painted there.

 

They remain huddled together as they wait to load the bus that will take them to their first stop, Pittsburgh.

 

***

 

 _Pittsburgh is just as cold as Detroit,_ Ben thinks as they board the next Greyhound, the one that’s taking them to New York.

 

“I can’t believe we’re already so far away from home,” Rey comments to Ben.

 

“Michigan already seems like it was just a dream,” Ben replies, agreeing.

 

They’re just under halfway to their destination, and the thought causes Ben’s stomach to tighten with that familiar anxiety he’s lived with all of his life.  Rey must sense it because as soon as they find their seats, she grabs his hand and squeezes, before bringing her lips up to it and kissing his knuckles.

 

He offers her a small, grateful smile, and she rests her head on his shoulder.

 

An old lady, one the last passengers to board the bus, passes them and comments, “Oh, young love.”

 

Ben blushes and Rey lifts her head from his shoulder and giggles when she sees his cheeks tinted pink.

 

“Hey,” she tells him.  “At least _she’s_ not accusing you of knocking me up.”

 

Ben chuckles at the memory.  The scruffy man who had picked them up on the side of the road when he saw their thumbs sticking out had _insisted_ that Rey and Ben were just two kids running away from home because Ben had knocked Rey up.

 

“We’re actually going to New York to pursue our dream,” Rey had told him, all hope and confidence in her voice.

 

“If you said so, darlin’,” the man had replied, clearly not believing her.

 

A clean-cut middle-aged man, wearing a pressed gabardine suit accented with a bright red bowtie, is the last person to board the bus.  He chooses the empty seat one row in front of them, and for reasons unbeknownst to Ben or Rey, he eyes them suspiciously before sitting.

 

“I bet he’s a spy,” Rey whispers conspiratorially, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Then we better be careful.  I bet you his bowtie is really a camera.”

 

Rey bursts into a fit of giggles at the absurd suggestion, and Ben delights at the sheer joy on her face.  Her laughter eases some of the tension in his gut.

 

The man turns around and gives them a dirty look.  It’s unlikely he heard what they’d said; he’s probably just agitated with their laughter.  Either way, Ben doesn’t care because, at this second, he feels okay.

 

***

 

It’s the middle of the night.

 

Rey’s been flipping through her stolen magazine, while Ben free writes in the notebook he carries with him everywhere.  Eventually, the writer’s block sets in, and he knows he needs to take a break.

 

“Hey,” he says softly so as not to wake up the other passengers around them.  “Toss me a cigarette.  I think there’s one in my coat.”

 

“We smoked the last one an hour ago,” she tells him, her voice just as quiet.

 

Ben sighs.  Usually a smoke break is all it takes to break out of his writer’s block.  Rey must sense his frustration because she offers him her magazine.

 

“That’s stolen property ma’am,” he tells her, wagging a finger at her.

 

Rey smiles deviously.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about."

 

He shakes his head affectionately and kisses the crown of her head.  She offers the magazine one last time, but he turns her down, opting to look out the window and watch the moon instead.

 

***

 

It’s nearly dawn.  Rey had fallen asleep on his shoulder just over an hour ago, though she made him promise to wake her up when they got close, and Ben’s certain he must be the only person other than the bus driver who is still awake. 

 

The quiet and the stillness is making anxious once more.

 

He wasn’t fulfilled at home, hadn’t felt truly happy in a long time.  Of course being with Rey helped ease some of that unhappiness.  She served as his support system, reading his poems and helping to keep him inspired.  He supported her in the same way, but she, like him, often expressed how she felt utterly unsatisfied as well.  Their dreams were bigger than their hometown.  They wanted so much more than what could be offered to them if they remained there.

 

With his parents’ well-meaning guidance, Ben had made plans to attend the local university, major in English, and then maybe teach back at his high school alma mater.  The thought made him sick to his stomach.  Similarly, Rey was likely to be stuck at her foster father’s junkyard indefinitely. 

 

Then one night after they’d made love in the backseat of his father’s car, Rey suggested they leave town after graduation and pursue their dreams.  She had lifted her head from where it rested on his bare, sweaty chest and had looked up at him with hope gleaming in her bright hazel eyes, and Ben knew then that this was his only opportunity to possibly ease the fear of a life unfulfilled.  Overwhelmed with gratitude for Rey and her offer of _getting out_ , Ben pulled her face back down to his and kissed passionately her for a very long time.

 

But as the days went by and their move approached, Ben felt that familiar anxiety return and then increase as they left the safety of everything they knew behind.

 

_What if he hated New York?_

_What if he never got published?_

_What if he was still unsatisfied?_

_What if he was always destined to feel this way? To be searching for something he could never attain?_

_What if?_

 

Ben takes a deep breath as he tries to calm his mind.  He looks down at Rey, sleeping peacefully on his shoulder, and says, “Rey, what if this doesn’t work?  What if there’s nothing for us here?”

 

She doesn’t stir, so he continues.  “I’m so damn scared, Rey.  I can’t bare this empty, aching unfulfilled feeling for the rest of my life.”

 

A tear falls down his cheek, and he doesn’t bother swiping it away.  He turns his head back to the window and begins to count the cars on the turnpike.  Anything to try to center himself.

 

When he reaches car number seventy-seven, Rey shifts against him and sits up.

 

“We’re almost there?” she asks, her voice low.

 

“Getting close,” he answers, eyes still focused on the road.  He’s been crying, and he doesn’t want her to see the shine in his eyes.

 

But because she’s Rey, because she knows him better than anyone else on the planet, and because she seems to sense his anxiety whenever it rears its ugly head, she reaches out and caresses his cheek, wiping away a stray tear.  She then moves her hand to his chin and turns him toward her.

 

“Ben,” she murmurs. 

 

He meets her eyes and finds that they’re sparkling with tears just as his are.

 

“There was nothing left for us there.  Everything’s waiting for us up ahead.  Our shot of happiness is out there.”

 

He swallows a lump in his throat, closes his eyes, and nods.

 

“I’m scared too,” she confesses.

 

He opens his eyes.  “You are?”

 

“Yes.”  She leans her forehead against his and continues.  “But I’m with you.  And I know that with you by my side, everything will be okay whether we’re in New York or back in Saginaw.”

 

She sheds a tear, and it’s his turn to wipe it from her cheek.

 

“Things are going to be scary,” she continues.  “But you have me.  And I know I have you.  And that’s all we need, right?”

 

“Yeah,” he whispers. 

 

She smiles at him through her tears.  Ben puts an arm around her, and she curls into him.  Together they look out the window and watch as the sun slowly rises and the New York City skyline comes into view.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I've been writing really sporadically lately, and I haven't been too happy with how anything has come out. This was an idea that popped up in my head last Wednesday, and it's the first thing I've managed to complete in awhile that I don't completely hate. I'm looking at it as a way to hopefully help me get back into the groove of things. 
> 
> I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll be able to post something else in the near future.
> 
> [Tumblr](https://castle-and-crowns.tumblr.com)


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